Category Archives: life force

A Time to Not Forgive

Forgiving is not always the right path. In fact, there are times when the forgiving we have been taught to do is just plain wrong.

I will start with an example of forgiveness that works. Then we’ll look at some of the ways the forgiveness we have been taught actually makes things worse.

Effective forgiving lets an incident fade into the past. While some harm happened to one or more of the people involved, everyone can let it go as something they learned from. No one keeps thinking about all the things they could have or should have done.

How can that happen?

In this discussion I’m going to look at something that happened between two people. The ideas are almost the same for larger groups, but the language is a lot more complicated. I ask you to forgive me for simplifying.

The first part is to be totally clear about what happened. Both people need to understand their role in the situation. Both need to know how they were harmed. Both need to know how they harmed the other. And this point is vital: when harm is done, both sides are responsible to some degree for the harm.

I found the idea that both sides are always responsible in the practice of ho’oponopono. I explain why that is true in this post. Here’s the central idea of the ho’oponopono world, “Sometimes you and I work on cleaning up things at the same time. But even if one of us doesn’t, it’s still your responsibility and it’s still my responsibility to do it.” It’s worth going back and reading the rest of the post.

The second part of effective forgiveness is to be specific about the actions that caused the harm. They must match what the person who was harmed felt. There is an Incan practice called tupay (pronounced too-pie) that talks about using spirit allies to reach this agreement. It can be done by moving into any kind of blessing space where the goal is to learn instead of placing blame. In the process it really helps if both sides remember that both are always responsible for part of the problem.

The third part is to be sorry for the specific harmful actions. Without being sorry asking for forgiveness is meaningless.

Then there are the four steps in the ho’oponopono practice. (Check out the earlier post for the details.) I’m sorry for ________. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

In a good relationship both people will do all four steps and both will forgive the other. We forgive only when we are asked to forgive. The incident will move from harm to learning. That’s how forgiveness can be done effectively.

But there are things that can go wrong even when using ho’oponopono.

One side may not be willing to admit they did anything wrong. That means there are still lessons for that person to learn. The other side should still do the ho’oponopono steps.

One side may choose not to forgive. Forgiveness is always a choice, never an obligation. Even when you choose not to forgive, you can still do your ho’oponopono steps. One time when it makes good sense to not forgive is when the harm that was done this time is a repeat of earlier harm. Forgiving once for significant harm, maybe twice, is probably enough.

When the ceremony is not complete, it’s important to consider if the best relationship choice is to cut the connections and end it. Later if the ho’oponopono can be done, cleaner connections can be reestablished.

Things are even worse outside this practice of mutual forgiveness. Let’s look at some of the times when so-called forgiveness is, as I said at the beginning, just plain wrong. I’ll use two people whose names are X and Y.

There’s forgiveness that’s a counterattack. X says to Y, “I forgive you for being a jerk.” This is a lovely bit of work. X writes off the action with “I forgive you” while accusing and convicting Y of “being a jerk.” I believe the reason X feels better is because X can tell the other person off in a way that Y can’t defend against. It’s a “better than thou” statement because X is holding itself blameless in the situation. However, X is not blameless, as discussed earlier.

There are variations to counterattack forgiveness. X might say to friends, “I guess I have to forgive Y, because that’s just the way Y is.” It’s an accusation that X’s friends agree with. If everyone agrees, then X must be right. Even X saying to itself that X forgives a person is mostly a way of justifying what X did and laying the blame for any problems on Y.

These counterattacks are also ways for X to avoid looking at what X may have done. By putting the need for forgiveness on Y, X is defending its own actions as not needing forgiveness. X, as discussed earlier, is wrong.

Forgiveness to keep a relationship going is wrong. When X forgives Y for coming home drunk for the one-billionth time, needing to forgive is just an excuse for codependency. In fact X should also be asking Y to forgive X for putting up with Y’s behavior. Putting up with Y’s bad behavior is not in Y’s best interest.

Forgiveness to be magnanimous is wrong. It goes like this, “Oh, I forgive everybody. You can’t imagine what I’ve gone through. Let me tell you about what Y did…” There is no learning, no letting go. It’s just a pile of hoocha.

There are times when forgiveness is requested that are also wrong.

One time is when X asks forgiveness for something X knows is harmful, but X isn’t really sorry. It’s just a way for X to see if Y will let X get away with this harm — usually for the billionth time. This is not a time for Y to forgive.

When Y is in danger, it’s even worse. No one has the right to harm you. I’ve talked other times about unconditional love. The conclusion is the same here: your safety comes first. Anything else is suicidal codependence. Real forgiving is not something you do when you are in danger. Saying you forgive and getting to a safe place is a much better plan.

A second kind of case is when X just doesn’t get the problem, but asks for forgiveness anyway because that’s the only way to keep the relationship going. Either of these problems may exist:

X is totally clueless. There needs to be a meeting to clue X in so that the request for forgiveness is meaningful and X can learn.

Y is gaming X by saying there is a problem when there isn’t. Again there needs to be a meeting, After the meeting, Y needs to ask X’s forgiveness for gaming.

I’m sure there are other cases where forgiveness is wrong. Please write back with your thoughts and I’ll include them in the comments. I will finish the discussion with some overall thoughts about forgiving.

Asking for forgiveness does not always have to be said out loud or to the person you hope will forgive you. You are working with the Divine. What you need is your own forgiveness and it can be granted in many ways.

If you keep remembering an incident easily, naggingly, with lots of “I shoulda done this,” you’re not through with the forgiveness process. Things that are forgiven don’t keep bothering you.

Forgiveness done the wrong way ties you tighter to the person. It adds to the cording.

Resolving anger by forgiving with a better-than-thou attitude just adds more negative intensity.

A clueless person can be forgiven for not being educable. This lets you know you need to deal with this person in a different way, which is really forgiving yourself.

Forgive only when you are asked to forgive.

Ask for forgiveness every time you do something that causes harm.

Almost always look first at what you need to be forgiven for. Then use the most appropriate way to ask for forgiveness.

Souls, Hate, Free Speech, and the Charlottesville Killing

It’s better to shine a light on a riot of flowers than to cast a Shadow on others in a riot of humans.

Hatred, hoocha, and negative life force are bubbling to the surface of American life. Let’s take a look at what is happening from a soul perspective.

We’re seeing the Shadow of America — all the dark impulses that are usually hidden beneath the surface of our culture. It is scary when it bubbles up to a level that we are aware of.

In a person, the Shadow usually lurks below the level of consciousness in the Wish or Will regions of the soul. In a group (America in this case) the Shadow lurks in parts of the population that are seldom seen by the majority of Americans. When the Shadow makes itself known, and we’re not part of the Shadow, we seldom know what to do with it.

In the Charlottesville situation, there are two sides. Let’s call them Blue and Red. Continue reading and add your comment

I-Am (revised)

Thanks to a blinding flashlight of inspiration — that’s what lets us poke around in the dark long enough to find something worthwhile, as long as the energy lasts and we don’t shine it in our own eyes — I realized that I needed to change my ideas about the I-Am part of the soul. I’ve resisted it for a long time — that’s the light in the eyes part — but I finally realized that I needed something like subtle bodies in my model.

In another bit of inspiration, perhaps a static electricity spark’s worth, I changed the name of the top region of the soul from Form to Info. Now the name matches better with the idea that the real blinding flashes of inspiration come from the upper region of the world, which I think of as mostly information.

With that, here are my current thoughts on the I-Am part of the soul. Continue reading and add your comment

Exploring Many Worlds

Urulu

Urulu

If you are an explorer, there are many ways you can discover more about soul realities and bring that knowledge into the physical world. We have this glorious chance to experience life. We should put the effort into living well, helping others, and learning the most we can. In this post I want to look at some of the worlds we can explore.

We have our physical world and there are many other worlds out there in soul reality. Each can be explored. My current experience is that we can step between these worlds. They seem to be related to one another, but each has parts that are all its own.

There are no boundaries between these worlds. We aren’t in one or another of them, as far as I can tell. They are all there, all the time. What we can do is choose which parts of reality we focus on.

I believe all of these worlds are part of what shamans call the Middle World. The beings who live in the Middle World, including us Continue reading and add your comment

What Stops Our Magic?

There are a lot of answers to what stops our magic. For this discussion let’s look at the magic we find in any practice that makes changes in our worlds and in ourselves. I include shamanism, witchcraft, conjure, martial arts, energy healing, and all the rest of the practices of soul reality in my definition of magic. Making changes on ourselves or on other parts of reality can be very difficult at any time. When our abilities are limited, it’s even harder.

Writers on this topic usually divide the ways we limit ourselves into two categories: fear and separation. Let’s take a look at each.

Several authors, including Mary Shutan, have written about the fear we feel. Mary discusses the question from a shamanic perspective. She looks at two kinds of fear: fear of death and fear of life.

Both kinds of fear make us reluctant to journey to scary places in soul reality and meet powerful beings. Continue reading and add your comment

Garden Slugs vs. Highest and Best Good

The question of highest and best good can be tricky in complex situations. And everything in the physical world tends to be tricky. I think about this when I have to choose between two ways of looking at highest and best good.

For example, slugs are invading my garden as I write this. When I ask the question of highest and best good for the system, what do I include? There’s me, of course. I want to include the plants and the food I’ll get from them. There are all the other animals and insects that are part of the garden ecology. And then there are the slugs.

Getting rid of the slugs is best for my garden and me, but probably not best for the slugs. For those of you who don’t know, slugs are migratory. In other words, if I move them away from the garden, there’s a good chance they will come back. They also hide really well Continue reading and add your comment

Blending Soul Regions

When we look at how our soul regions blend together, it helps explain who we are. While it’s not always true, the cooperation is often in regions that are next to one another. I think it’s similar to the way colors in a rainbow change smoothly from one primary color to the next. For example, between blue and green we can see many types of blue-green. Let’s take a look at pairs of regions to show how this works in souls.

When Energy and Wish regions work together we see a person with a lot of energy to devote to a cause. The energy may be positive or negative. The cause may be healing or harmful. If the cause is getting enough food to eat, we can expect the person to use any energy that is there. Others may be hurt. If the cause is helping others, there is a better chance that the life force will be positive. Continue reading and add your comment

???ing the Haters

Last time I wrote about Ho’oponopono and asked for thoughts about how to use it in a confrontation about soul reality. Basic Ho’oponopono has four steps: “I’m sorry.” “Please forgive me.” “Thank you.” “I love you.”

I specifically asked what you would do if you were talking about your experiences and you ran into a “hater” who challenged you by saying, “There is no such thing as soul reality. Physical reality is all that there is.” How do you fill in the question marks in the title of this post? Continue reading and add your comment

Ho’oponopono, Hawaiian Reconciliation Practice

Ho’oponopono is a Huna practice to make things right between two people or groups of people. I’m going to describe where the practice comes from and one way to do it. Then I’m going to ask you for your thoughts on applying it to one particular situation.

I will write up your ideas as the blog for two weeks from now. This is a contribution I’m asking you to give to the community of readers here on the We All Have Souls website.

Background Concepts

Huna is a way of living that comes from the Hawaiian Islands. I first read about Huna Continue reading and add your comment

Life Force

Life force goes by many names. In Japanese it is ki and shows up in martial arts (ai-ki-do, for example) and healing (rei-ki). Chinese use the word chi or qi, as in tai chi or qi gong. The Hindus call if prana. Christians say grace or, perhaps, the Holy Spirit. It has sometimes shown up in the fringes of Western psychology, such as Wilhelm Reich’s Orgone energy. The Inca medicine people use the word kausay. There are probably a thousand more words and subclasses of these words. But they are all talking about aspects of the same thing: life force.

A force is something that causes a change. In the physical world Continue reading and add your comment